Words of Coeus

The Last Thirteen Seconds

2008-10-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

Times come when you are on top of the world, thinking that nothing in the world could possibly ruin it for you now. And then it happens. It is trivial, inconsequential, having to do nothing with your life. It’s just one of those things that happens; has to happen; like the ticking of the clock, the setting of the sun, the awakening of dawn. Yet, at that very moment you wish more than ever, it had not happened; for it sends a pain so deep into your heart, it turns your world up side down.

The Fall season is here and nature is at its best. Things around you look perfect. Yellow leaves against the blue sky, red leaves against the green grass, vibrantly dressed butterflies choosing their flower whimsically. With the screaming rapids in the backdrop, the leaves bid the trees adieu and glide their way to the earth with grace and dignity. The wind threatens now and then with a strong gush, shaking the trees up a bit, as if to serve as a reminder of the bareness that will dawn upon these trees come winter. A perfect symphony is in play.

You thank the heavens; consider yourself fortunate enough to be capable of such a spectacle; you have never felt more alive in your life. Which is when your eye catches a little detail. Sitting on a branch, looking anxiously around with quick nervous, movements it guards its acorn. In a flash it comes scampering down the tree onto the ground. Quick looks around again. The staring eyes spot yours. It seems disturbed by your presence, and you try giving it that reassuring look. But it doesn’t work. In a moment of hysteria, it makes a dash towards another tree across the road.

A swishing sound sticks out like a wrong note in a perfect symphony. Not a sound made by nature, but a sound made by one of man’s creation. Your eyes still fixated on the squirrel’s, you see the fear in his eyes as he stops his dash. A four-wheeled blur passes by and the world comes to a stop. There is no more music, no more harmony. Motionless it lies in the centre of the road with the acorn still guarded close to his heart; only now, he has no life to guard it with. Those were the last thirteen seconds of joy you felt in the day.

Blessed are those who can look the other way

2007-11-16T22:13:00.001-08:00

People have dreams. They are meant too; for otherwise Freud wouldn’t be famous; and maybe he was meant to be famous. People realize their dreams. They are meant too; for otherwise they would stop dreaming. But then, there are few who go out there and do stuff to realize their dreams, there are few who let their dreams get realized themselves, and then there are few who let the ‘circumstances’ decide their dreams.

Things happen; they always will. At times, you like the way they happen, at times you don’t. But do people care about their likes these days? I can’t see them do so. If the world likes what is happening to you, it is a good thing, if it doesn’t, it is bad.

So, there are people who let things happen to them, and there are people who judge things by what the world says about them. Combine these two and you’ll find a person who has left his happiness to chance. Slim chance that he’ll be happy, for a thing has to happen, and then the world has to like it. But would they change what has happened? No. And why? Since they are scared of the world, scared of what a billion humans think, scared to look the other way. But those who have the courage to stand up, face the world and look the other way when they want to, have made their life worth living…they are the ones who are blessed.

Another Thin Line

2007-11-09T01:29:00.001-08:00

Genius and Eccentricity…separated by a thin line; few can tell the difference, few know the truth…Optimism and delusion; yet again, torn apart by a thin line...Love and Hate…seem to be miles apart, so very detached; yet time and again one finds just a thin line between the two. Seek and you shall find infinite such thin lines. I just happened to chance over one of them.

There is Feliz, a man so satisfied with his life that he wants nothing but that things don’t change. And then there is Ambicioso, in need of a life he can say is worth living.

One has a country side home, an income to keep food enough to fill his dinner table each day and clothes enough to be able to wash them when they get dirty. Contrast this with a duplex in Madrid, an income enough to feed a hundred starving kids for as long as an average human lives and clothes enough to cover the corpse of every bull in Spain that dies after having entertained half of Spain with its last fight. That is how Ambicioso lives. Yes, he is not the one with a country home, not the one with just enough to feed his family. Yet he is the one who wants more from life. Greed? Some would call it ambition, Ambicioso for one, definitely would. You want to work at Wall Street; is that greed? More like ambition isn’t it? But then, when Ambicioso is your neighbour, your classmate who had flunked a year but is now doing better than you are, you probably think he is greedy? “He has all he wants, what more can one ask for in life?” “Why can’t he be contented with what life has to offer for him?” Aren’t these the things one says? But then, when you are an Ambicioso, you are ambitious, self-driven, a man in charge. But greedy? No way!

Ambition to some, greed to others. Couldn’t be a thinner line separating the two.

A look at Feliz, and some will say he lacks the motivation, the drive that so many of us have. Ask Feliz and he might say he is happier than the Wall Street executives drawing salaries so heavy that it becomes difficult for them to spend. He considers himself to be above materialistic gains. He’d rather be where he is. That’s what he wants. That is his ambition, and that is why he can call himself ‘accomplished’. Another thin line differentiating two opposites? Looks like.

People do cross over these thin lines, and so far away that it is easy to see on which side they are. But before we start branding people on either side of the line, it is important to think for a moment and see how close one is to the line. If one is not very far away, then you probably don’t know on which side of the line one is.

Loving what I hated

2007-09-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

How often does one start preferring, or even wanting things one couldn’t bear to stand? Maybe often, maybe rarely; I don’t know. But never did I think that there will come a time when I’ll want to wait for what seems like eternity stuck between four-wheeled contraptions that are supposed to get you to places faster, want to be frozen in what looks like a strange yoga ‘asana’ with humans (biologically at least) around you all squeezed into a compartment of a local train, want to travel through two hours of back-breaking bumps. That was Mumbai for me; that was Mumbai for most of us. But don’t get me wrong. For me, there is no city like Mumbai, there probably will never be. Mumbai will be loved till the end of days; but one would not really look forward to that 8:58 am local train, to a drive through one of Mumbai’s busiest road or through a road that has more craters than our moon.

Times change. But in the three months that I was away from the city, Mumbai didn’t, I did. Three months without having to set foot in a local train meant three months without having people too close for comfort, people not stepping on your foot. And I thought I would love that. Initially I did. Then I started missing the discomfort. So much so that I couldn’t live without it. It was almost as if I were addicted to it. Stuck in traffic is not the state you would want to be in. Three months without having to inhale the by-products of man’s inventions, three months without having to wait for the red light should have made me happy. But was I happy? Quite the opposite. Smooth roads is every Mumbaikar’s dream. Being able to travel at 80 without having to worry about the sophisticated springs at the bottom of your car. It was mine too. But not anymore. Somehow I started loving the bumps on the road, started loving the damage done to my back.

The reason? I don’t know. Maybe nobody does. Maybe psychologists do. But for now, ‘I am loving it’.

Down there...where it matters

2007-09-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

It is no secret that for any society to blossom, for any economy to do well, all sections of the society need to do well. This, as a fact, is accepted by almost all. Yet, most fail to see the importance of this very fact and are blinded by the ‘super-development’ of just a few. One cannot keep adding storeys to a building without strengthening its foundation. Change or development (positive change) in this case, has to flow from the bottom to the top. Especially for a society like India’s to change, grassroots activity doesn’t seem to be just one of the sources for India’s renaissance; it possibly is the only source.

And this is mainly owing to the diversity that a culture like India’s possesses. The diversity brings in diverse needs which can best be understood at the grassroots level. Sitting in air-conditioned offices on the thirteenth floor of a building in Nariman Point is going to give us little understanding of the depths and nuances of the needs that people in a village a few hundred kilometres away might have. It is possible though, but difficult. No one could understand the place better than the people who have experienced that place, maybe even for their entire lifetime. Its these people, who, with their depth of understanding, have in their minds solutions to make their life better. A constraint on the resources available with them is what binds them down. And by resources, I do not just mean money. Knowledge resources play a very significant role as well. In this age of globalization, it is important that we pass on the benefits of a shrinking world at the grassroots level as well. They need information too. They need to be empowered too. With the ideas they have and with the resources that others can provide them, changing lives for the better becomes so much easier.

It is of course difficult to fathom how changes as small and isolated as this could change the entire nation. In singularity, they cannot. But when the entire nation is one that encourages ideas to flow from the bottom, encourages those ideas to develop and provides tools for those ideas to materialize, the change made will be significant, significant enough to be called a renaissance.

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Inspired by a class on Indian Social and Political Environment

You still don't get it, do you?

2007-08-26T09:46:00.000-07:00

I won't press on it too much. A lot has been said, a lot will be, a lot should be.

Piracy is a crime and most of us know it. There are people who accept it, and still do it. Against that I have nothing to say. The prevalence of piracy doesn't astonish me. But what did was the ignorance some claim. Its really funny when when you have a graduate with the finest of technological education behind him telling you that screening a clip from the latest Bollywood flick (not for profit of course) is not a crime. Accept it. Why the feigned ignorance? You believe you are not suppressing the poor, not physically harming anything living; you possibly believe the anti-piracy law is absurd. But at least accept that it exists.

We'd rather be a society of people who know that piracy is wrong and yet indulge than be a society of people who know about it, show denial and then indulge.

Difference of Cultures?

2007-06-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

It’s almost funny how different cultures have glaringly different views on and reactions to certain things. In the end, we are all human beings, Homo sapiens, having the same genetic makeup. Individual thought may and should differ, but the environment under which a child is nurtured had such a deep rooted effect that the thought and beliefs of the group of people around him shadowed his own philosophy. With the globe shrinking as it has in the past few years, this phenomenon has seen a decline, for now the environment is not just the group of people around him, but also ones thousand miles away, ones he reads about in newspapers and books, ones he knows about through television, ones he can closely understand with the help of the internet. So one is exposed to a plethora of views, and can form his own based on his judgement.

However, there are still times when the immediate environment you are in has a direct impact on the way you see things. And when the environment changes, views change. That’s what happened with me yesterday, and I believe that’s what will happen with a few hundred others who are in the same boat as I.

If I had to write a three page report on the inefficiencies of the Mohenjo Daro excavations or the improbability of shifting to solar power in a big way, all I would do is open a search engine, search the near infinite cyber repository and unearth a dozen papers dealing with the issue. The report is done; well, almost. What follows is a series of simple copy and paste. Have I acknowledged the names of people whose work I have so expediently used? Hmm…do I need to? Two days ago my answer would have been ‘No’ to both the questions. Have I done wrong? No again. The reason I feel that way is simple. All my life, I have lifted stuff from the internet, from newspaper articles, books, research papers without having bothered to mention the references. Do I claim that the compilation of words is mine? No. But then do I explicitly state that they are not? No. Sounds like plagiarism? At first sight maybe not, but think deeper and you’ll say ‘Hell Yes!’ But this was accepted. Friends did it. Seniors did it. Everyone around did it. It was not as if we were publishing a research paper; so we saw no harm.

The environment changed. So did my views. A friend at a place many wish to be, (who has been there done that), saw me where he was a year ago. As he sat reliving his journey over the past year, he had an interesting story to tell.

A two thousand word report he submits as part of course work has a hundred words of facts. Facts well known and those that take no genius to state. He knows how significant it is to acknowledge his source, so he does. He sees no problem with his report. Has he claimed that the facts he stated are his discovery? No. Has he stated they are someone else’s? Yes. Sounds like plagiarism? Hell No! But he still gets called. He has picked stuff up verbatim…and has forgotten to put those words in quotes. Sounds serious? Not really. But is it? But at the place he is, it is. Should it be that way? Debateable.

None of us (or should I say very few) would pick up a bar of chocolate and slip it into our pockets in a super market, even if we know that the security cameras are not watching. But most of us (or should I say all) slip a line or two of another persons work into our own without even thinking twice. What we know but don’t realize is that there is no difference. Both amount to theft. Books talk about the gravity of intellectual theft, so do we. But when it comes to those few lines we’d like to see in our report, we forget all that talk. Here, one cannot afford to; in life, one should not.

What God Wants

2007-06-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

The Purpose of Our Existence

Was great responsibility meant to rest on the shoulders of man? Biologically, man is just another animal, a primate. Yet just a cursory inspection reveals differences so significant that the air of authority and superiority a human would feel over the lesser creatures (at least those we know of) of this planet is admissible. Animals adapt to the environment they are in; man alters the environment to suit his needs. Such is the power vested in the human race- power to tamper with nature, power to tamper with the creations of God.

Did God want it that way? With a brain capable of reason and conceptual thought, it almost seems apparent that man was sent here with a purpose, a purpose greater than that served by the lower living beings. Why else would man have such an unfair advantage over other creatures?

Before exploring the purpose of man’s existence, it would make sense to try and fathom the rationale behind the existence of the lower beings. Every trait, every characteristic possessed by a species can be traced to one fundamental objective-survival. That is what matters in the end.

Eating one’s own young is not an unknown phenomenon in most species. While man might (in fact will and to an extent should) find the act barbaric, brutal and harsh; the truth is that it has a purpose- survival; not of an individual, but of the entire group, perhaps the entire race. The smallest of animals do it; the largest of animals do it- without remorse, without regret. It is just something that has to be done for the greater good.

If the population of rats and mice gets uncontrollably out of hand, the newborn are simply devoured by their mother; but not without bias. Injured infants or genetically deformed infants are the ones that go first. Seems pretty logical; for only then can the mother work on the healthier offspring more efficiently. It is these offspring that deserve such attention, for they are the ones more likely to survive future hardships, they are the ones that can take the race forward. Consider a mother rat malnourished, depleted of energy. It makes perfect sense for her to recuperate by consuming some of her young for the benefit of the other young. The larger animals, lions and bear have been known to practice infanticide as well- all in the name of survival.

Camouflages, deception, bio luminance, hibernation, methods to retain water for days, all serve a single purpose- that of survival. Perhaps that’s what God wanted; not just of other animals but of man as well. With physical defence mechanisms that stand no chance when challenged by a carnivore, the complex mind of a human is his only defence. With a body that cannot weather the desert storm or the Artic chill, the ability to change the environment is man’s only way out. With a body that stands no chance of survival by itself, God gifted us a mind to serve a purpose- that of survival. For that is what God wants. He wants survival- survival of life on Earth. Dodos went extinct, so did dinosaurs, so will many other species. But life on Earth prevailed.

As long as man knows that what he is doing will help survival, or at least sustain it, things are fine. But when man takes that one wrong step, that step which will disturb nature’s balance, things could go horribly wrong. And the way things are going, it seems that the wrong step has already been taken.

All the animals on this planet have played their part well- their part of sustaining life and surviving. Its time man plays his part too. For that is what God wants.

Curiosity Kills; Lack of it Tortures

2007-06-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

Some things are just meant to be. The human mind was meant to be curious, questioning, probing; even snooping. The laziest of minds may seem apathetic, but it is not these minds that are indifferent by nature; it is just that some minds are stimulated by things most minds don’t see. A mind not interested in the next Presidential candidates or a mind indifferent to the causes of a launch failure by ISRO might be pre occupied in wondering what the fate of the universe is. Curiosity has been programmed into us to help us learn, not as individuals, but as a species. Learn and evolve. It was someone’s curiosity that helped us delve into the uses of fire, discover electricity, reach the moon. To evolve as a race, man needs to enquire, question all that he sees, all that he perceives. It takes years, ages; sometimes generations to answer these questions. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that there is a question to be answered and the belief that someday, an answer will be found.

But then curiosity can get trivial. Since the mind is hard-wired to be inquisitive, it starts asking absurd questions; questions whose answers make no difference. It wants to know where the neighbour secretly went with a new found friend over the weekend. The conversation of a colleague over the phone starts drawing attention if the volume knob has been turned to low. Such questions may serve a purpose but these are things that make you sit back and wonder “Why? What’s the difference?” It makes no difference. Still the mind asks. It wants an answer. The wait for that answer is killing. The answer is the curious mind’s Holy Grail. It can’t wait for years, leave alone ages.

Absurd or not, trivial or not; getting the answer is heavenly. A sense of accomplishment fills the veins. It’s a proud moment for the individual; for the Holy Grail has been found. But what many don’t realize is that it is not the final destination that has instilled this sense of accomplishment and pride, it’s the journey. The entire process of striving to achieve what was once out of reach, going through pain; pain of being the ignorant one makes the answer sweeter. When the Holy Grail is presented to you on a platter, you do not want it. You want to be the one who has found it; you want your abilities, not someone else’s, to rid you of your ignorance.

The same applies while reading a book with a twist in the tale. You are curious. You want to know what happens the next moment; you do not know but you want to. Given that the author’s craftsmanship is noteworthy, each turn of the page brings you closer to the truth, tantalizingly close. You feel you are on a quest. As things unfold, you speculate what the next turn will bring. You question what is obvious in order to find what is not. The next turn is close, now closer. Facts become clearer. You change your perspective. You speculate again. And then it happens! You were almost there. You should have seen it coming. The author deserves credit. You still feel that sense of accomplishment and pride. The plot still has a few more blind turns. The next one makes it way stealthily towards you. This time you are careful to guess. You don’t commit too soon. Deep within you know what could happen. Something tells you what should happen. The page turns. It happens! This time you were right! You deserve credit. That sense of accomplishment and pride… It doesn’t mater whether you were wrong last time and right this time. You could be wrong at every single turn, till the end, and you would still have that sense of pride. You have gone through the pain of not knowing what was coming; the pain of taking a journey you didn’t have a map for. In the end, the Holy Grail is yours. The pain was worth it. The pain was sweet. Curiosity killed you but took you straight to heaven.

In contrast, you pick up a book replete with suspense. You expect the twists and turns to thrill you; the joy ride is something you look forward to. Things are heating up, the search for the Holy Grail has begun, you are guessing, speculating and someone comes up to you and shows you the final destination. The Holy Grail has been handed to you. Just like that. It took just one moment. The search is over. Your questions have been answered. Any sense of accomplishment and pride? There can’t be any. You have not been through the journey. You have felt no pain. You have not had curiosity killing you. You still journey along knowing well what each turn will bring. Knowing where you are headed. The ride may be easy, but it’s lacklustre. You owe it all to your forcefully self-proclaimed guide. The one who gave you the answer without letting you hunt for it.

One might see a person wrenching in pain. Curious as ever, searching for an answer. Never end his search. Facilitate the quest. Lead him on. But let not your answer end his quest and more importantly his thirst for a new journey, one he doesn’t have a map for.

The KJS Apprentice-Week 5 Finale (Part 3)

2006-07-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

The task over, there is little the candidates can do now. Raman & Dafu have a choice to make and it doesn't look to be an easy one. The Boardroom is staged at the Somaiya Auditorium from where live images will be streamed throughout the world. ACP and HB wait on stage....Raman & Dafu enter from the wings, greeted by an uproar from the audience.

JPR (after having taken his seat) : SO, HB you feel confident?

HB : Mr. JPR there is no other contestant who has carried out his tasks with such efficiency. With a 4-0 track record, I think there is no doubt about who should be your Apprentice.

Dafu : ACP, you have not had a great time...

ACP : What I have shown is perseverance through out the tasks and skills that no other can match. With a 11 year experience of running a multi-million dollar company, I think I have it in me to be your Apprentice.

JPR : ACP, what happened yesterday? You have been responsible for the most catastrophic event in recent history-the extinction of the Cuban solenodons.

ACP : It was purely an accident and there was absolutely nothing that could be done about it.

Dafu : HB, you managed to raise 7 billion USD. But the truth is, you did very little. Your task ended when you chose Disney Land.

HB : You forget, Mr. Dafu that I got the endangered creatures to Disney Land and ensured that the focus of the task was maintained. I think it is this fact that was solely responsible for the magnitude of money we collected.

Dafu : ACP, you had the Cuban solenodons on location as well. But lightning struck you pretty late....or was it the services of NK that helped you ?

HB (shocked to hear this) : NK ! ACP, you had to spy on me? Mr. JPR it is now so obvious, it was my idea that ACP stole. I have to be your KJS Apprentice.

JPR : ACP, I'm actually proud of you. Using NK was the best part of your task. I am impressed.

Dafu : And before we make a decision, JPR, there is something that I need to tell you.

JPR : About NK, I presume?

Dafu : You have a sharp mind...NK's services were not used by ACP alone....I had NK on a special job as well. You hid from me the fact that you also run the Jaman Electronic Shoppe, under a different name...Jaman, how clever ! Well, Jaman Electronic Shoppe is now Dafu Electronic Shoppe! And this, my dear friend brings my net worth up to $10 more than yours!!

JPR (with a smirk that sent shivers down Dafu's spine) : NK might have been on your payroll, but he was also on mine! I'll cut it short. The Aafu Chocolate Factory is now The Raman Chocolate Factory. So now, at least we won't work under an alias....and by the way, this levels our net worth! So now, we are BOTH the 13th richest men on Earth!

Dafu (not getting carried away with emotions) : Shouldn't we be 12th? Who ovrtook us?

JPR : You forget. NK has worked for over 13 years for some of the biggest names in this world. With work like that, money can't be far away. NK is now the 12th richest!

Dafu : It does hurt, but not much...13 is not that bad after all....

JPR : Getting back to our task at hand....ACP, you chose to do it all yourself. A village fair wasn't very promising, but the sheer number of invitees was enough to supplement your lack of thought. The auctions fetched you some money as well. But the fact remains that you exterminated an entire species.

Dafu : HB, though Disney Land did a lot of your work, you made sure that you got the money. However, you spent 2 billion in getting Disney Land. ACP, you spent 500 million on the logistics and 1 billion to hire NK. So effectively, both have collected almost the same amount.

JPR : ACP, you were good throughout the interview process. HB, you're hired !!

HB : Whooooo! Ahhhh! Jhalak dikhla ja....(He breaks into an old Himesh Reshamia song)....ko tarse akhi....Woooooooo....(Hands up in the air, he leaps from one corner of the stage to another)......dikhla ja.....(Not showing the composure an apprentice should, he screams his lungs out)

JPR : HB listen!....HB!....This is an expensive set....I don't want you to.....(Bang! Crash!)

HB just broke one of the stage lights...but that is not going to deter him....."Jhalak dikhla ja...." HB is having one of his crazy fits......Hysteria like this has never been witnessed before.

Dafu : HB! Could you please show some maturity!

His words are lost......
The auditorium is filled with noise.....people cheering, HB screeching, thumping his chest, he dances oddly, still singing, maybe screaming....another song comes to his mind...."Dhoom Machale...Dhoom Machale....Dhoom"....BOOM!

Silence......The stage seems empty now. There is no HB on stage. Dafu & Raman strain their necks; try to get a peek of what’s happening.....ACP is shocked. The audience looks on in horror!
HB lies motionless at the foot of the stage. His body parts awkwardly twisted, he is far from the HB we saw moments ago....
Paramedics rush to the scene with poker faces....check his pulse....fingers on his neck....in unison, the heads of the paramedics drop down...they need not speak....HB is carried away, never to return.......

JPR : It seems that HB will no longer be able to pass the medical exam we had scheduled for tomorrow.....ACP, you're Hired !! You are the First KJS Apprentice.

ACP sets his hair straight....He knew it all along...He had to be The First KJS Apprentice.....

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Disclaimer : The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure.... NK is one honest persona & if ever there is a person who has never sinned, its him. HB shows maturity far beyond his age...(had to write that for the lawyers...don't want a defamation case....)

The KJS Apprentice- Week 5 Part 2

2006-07-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

Previously on The KJS Apprentice, ACP and HB were asked to host a fund raising fair for endangered animals. ACP had NJ to help him organize a village fair at Somaiya Grounds. HB had Disney Land on his side.

Day 2 -

ACP and NJ arrive at the Somaiya Grounds. A game of football played the previous evening has the ground surface in a mess. Waste from the last marriage hosted here also lies unattended. They have some task on hand.

HB meanwhile shows Disney Land the huge 500 acre plot chosen for his event. While Disney Land takes care of the logistics, HB is smart enough to keep his focus-money for the endangered species. To evoke pity and sympathy towards these creatures, he thinks of having two specimens at the fair itself. When the people see one fourth of the world population of the Mauritius kestrels in front of them, hopelessly hoping to survive, their hearts will open up and with that their pockets. HB personally goes to get these rare creatures to his event. To avoid any injuries during transport, he bears their burden on his shoulders. HB knows that these little beasts need to be fed every hour. What he doesn't know is that they also relieve themselves every half hour. The Mauritius kestrels are not known to have good control over their bowel. Drenched in some of the rarest excreta in this world, HB braves the four hour journey on foot with the poise of an Apprentice. Nothing seems to stop him now, not even the waste of these beasts.

Living in Chembur for over two decades has taught ACP how to handle filth and dirt. Efficiently shoving the waste into the 120 year old storm water drains, the ground gets cleaned up in an hour. As for the bad surface, NJ has two BARC scientists to perform the rescue act.
The Sun has set and ACP & NJ have pretty much everything in place. The spectacle looks no less than a 'Kumbh Mela'. Invites have reached the rich and the famous and there seems little else to do. But ACP does feel that something is amiss....
Little aware of the figure lurking in the shadows behind him, ACP paces the length of the ground hoping to have everything in order. Four feet tall, thinner than a rose stem the entity catches up with ACP, sneaks up to him....In a moment of madness it lets out a shrill shriek piercing the silence of the grounds......

HB is all set for the next day. Day 3, the all important day. All the preparations, all the hard work would be of no avail if Day 3 were to prove unlucky. A mistake on Day 3 and all will be lost. A mini-Disney Land in place, the pitiful endangered animals safe, things seem bright. HB can rest peacefully.....or can he? Oblivious of the fact that just a few moments ago, a creepy little being was on the prowl within his very own 'Disney Land', HB retires for the day.

Somaiya Grounds....an eerie silence. An instant ago, a sharp screech had echoed through the grounds. But ACP was not fazed. He was only too familiar with that sound.....Two feet below him, standing in front of ACP, a nervy little beast had the smile that could put witches to shame. The face, so innocent, yet so evil...it couldn't be...it was....Ninad Kokaje (NK) !
After having kicked Siemens and rejecting a further 27 jobs, NK had used his innocent disposition to good use. Trading corporate secrets, for him, was a profession. Faithful to ACP, NK had news. News from a far off land...from Disney Land! NK had seen the endangered Mauritius kestrels placed ever so safely in the heart of Disney Land. ACP knew what was amiss now....he had lost focus...forgotten about those very beasts this fair was for. He had time. He had to get the Cuban solenodons as soon as he could. Once they were at his village fair, there would be no stopping him. He would be the First KJS Apprentice!

Day 3 -

The weather Gods have chosen to favour the two candidates. Its bright and sunny and the fairs have kicked off in style.
HB personally receives the guests into Disney Land. The parents are taken to a tour of the 'endangered species enclosure' where they learn all about the gravity of the forlorn situation while their kids indulge in the land of fantasy.
ACP's village fair seems to be more crowded. With people coming from Pawarwadi, SumanKutir, Rai Nagar, Gotwa Mahal and all the other neighbouring slums, it sure looks like ACP will have at least some money at the end of the day. The folks at the Village Fair are happier than they have ever been. For them it is their trip back to their village.

Its evening and things have gone smoothly for both the teams. Bottles of champagne have been popped at Disney Land to celebrate the revival of the Mauritius kestrels. Money has flowed like wine and the Mauritius kestrels have every reason to feel like the luckiest endangered species on this planet. Over 7 billion USD has been collected for them; each guest donating nothing less than 50,000 USD.

ACP on the other hand is having trouble getting the people to donate generously. People have turned in their old clothes and utensils for the endangered Cuban solenodons, but money seems to be a big problem. The turn out to his fair was phenomenal, 10 million people...but each giving not more than 500 USD. WIth 4 billion USD, ACP thinks he should do better. Of Course! The old clothes and utensils that were donated...these are auctioned away as soon as possible and they bring in another 2.5 billion USD! ACP looks content.

He must celebrate. But there is no champagne in a village fair. What you will find in a village fair though is rifles. Rifles used by kids to aimlessly shoot at balloons stuck onto a wall. ACP calls for these rifles and decides to give the Cuban solenodons a 21 gun shot salute! Bang! Bang!....Silence.....
There were supposed to be 21 shots, not two...ACP turns around to witness the spectacle....Shocked heads stare at the Cuban solenodons, the only two female Cuban solenodons on this planet. Red in colour as they lie...but wait! Cuban solenodons are not red....but blood is....Drenched in a pool of their own blood the Cuban solenodons are a picture of pity. The men chosen for the 21 gun salute were not good with guns....unfortunate for ACP. With cloning banned, there will be no way of saving the Cuban solenodons...only 5 male Cuban solenodons live and it will not be long before they make their way into history books. It's all over. No Cuban solenodons, no money...all the donated money is withdrawn.....

There is hope for ACP though...what happened was a freak accident. Dafu & Raman are smart enough to realize that, or are they? The final decision...next on The KJS Apprentice!! Will we witness the most predictable decision of all time...or is there a twist in the tale?

Next on The KJS Apprentice- "You're Hired!!"

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Disclaimer : The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....

The KJS Apprentice-Week 5 Part 1

2006-07-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

Nature creates, nature kills. Nature has a way of stabilizing our Universe. But all man needs is a few thousand years to cause some irreparable damage. With 87% of the mammalian and avian species endangered, there is only one entity that can save this planet. Us.
The Raman & Dafu Organization is not just about money. They care, and it shows.

From over a billion applicants (its 2019-the world population has grown) we are down to two. ACP and HB- which one of them will be the first KJS Apprentice?

ACP and HB, impeccably dressed, wait within the Raman & Dafu National Reserve near Vasai. The Raman & Dafu National Reserve- home to most of the world's rarest animals; with artificially controlled environmental enclosures, it houses habitats diverse enough to support colonies of penguins found only in the Galapagos Islands as well as the Buff-headed marmoset living in the most secluded corners of the world.
Its week 5 and the Helicopter has not made many appearances- its almost getting rusty. As the trio of Raman, Dafu and Kelya land their helicopter in the vast expanses of The Reserve, the natural harmony of the place seems disturbed. But the helicopter is here for a good cause.

JPR, Dafu and Kelya hop off the 'copter and walk towards the candidates with long flowing robes, eyes looking away from the camera.

JPR (seemingly more excited than the candidates) : It's the beginning of an era. This week, one of you will make history, the other will be history.

Dafu (with anger in his eyes) : 'Motte', that was my dialogue....

JPR (maintaining composure) : ACP, HB; you should be aware that the Atopogale cubana (commonly called the Cuban solenodon) and the Falco punctatus (commonly called as the Mauritius kestrel) are the most endangered species in the world today.

Dafu : Your next, rather last task is to create a fund raising fair to aid these pitiful species. There are currently just seven Cuban solenodons (cusns) and eight Mauritius kestrel (makls) left in this world. You will not be judged solely on the funds collected but also on your event execution skills as a whole.

JPR : Good Luck! Go....

DAY 1:

ACP and HB have their task cut out for them- a fund raising fair is not easy to organize. They need men who can step up to the task and work for them as no one else would.

ACP trusts his managerial skills. When it comes to execution, he thinks he can deliver. His technical skills though are not at a level he would be proud of. He has just two options with him- Vishal Mirani (VM) and Nilesh Jadhav (NJ). The two years that ACP and VM had spent at L&T were enough to create rifts so wide that hiring VM now would be as good as buying ACP's ticket home. NJ was the one he had to trust for this task. An IISc Research scholar currently working for ISRO, BARC and RAW, NJ was a busy man. But when the stakes are so high, even the great oblige.

HB thinks big. Organizing a fair is something village folks of India manage every other month. A bigger fair translates to an amusement park....Disney Land....HB had it. Disney Land would get into something like this for two reasons- money and/or social responsibility (amounting to good publicity). Money was out of the question. Disney Land hosting a little something for endangered species would do a lot of good for their publicity. But they had to be convinced. And when it comes to negotiations there is no one else to turn to but Karan Panwar (KP). KP has a part to play again, only this time he is not on camera. The Disney Land Board of Directors happens to know him so well that a phone call seals the deal.

Its getting dark and ACP and NJ are still working on their plan for the next day. The venue comes first. Open spaces are hard to find in Mumbai- more so in 2019. The only open space that the two can think of is the Somaiya Grounds. 129,454 marriages old, this ground seems to be the place for the 'fair' ACP wants to host. NJ starts finalizing the logistics- he thinks of his self designed Giant Wheel with automated control systems that adjust the speed of revolution depending on the average probability of the children in it to puke. Next comes his special centrifuge chamber where accelerations up to 18g can be created. The centrifuge has witnessed seven deaths, 13 internal damages to the brain and 19 disorientations. The list seems endless. Even the great Somaiya Grounds cannot encompass all of NJ's fun-rides. True to the spirit of a fair, ACP also has a balloon shooting contest- the one in which an entire board is filled with balloons and mindless children aimlessly shoot. The plans ready, ACP and NJ can't wait to get to Somaiya Grounds....

HB meanwhile has a good night's sleep. With Disney Land working, he can afford to rest.....

Part 1 Ends…

Next on The KJS Apprentice- Can the teams pull it off? Which team will face problems, which team will sail through? Will the endangered animals bless these souls....or are we going to witness the most horrific deed by a human ever?

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Disclaimer : The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....

The KJS Apprentice- Week 4

2006-07-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Strong Governments make strong Nations. 2019, and our government has given ample proof of its strength.
Among the variety of research that Kelya has done, the government chose to notice one. Kelya proved that if drinking starts after the age of 35, addiction risks go down by 85% and life expectancy reduces by just 5%.
With substantial backing of the NGOs, the government raised the drinking age to 35. Addiction dwindling and teens not drinking have spelt trouble for the you-know-which industry. The Raman & Dafu organization want to help the industry which feels that Kelya is solely responsible for their loss.

Three of the best brains in the world stand in front of 'Pushpanjali Bar' in the central suburbs of Mumbai. ACP (Capital Killers) and BT & HB (Overhang) await the arrival of Raman & Dafu while humans aged over 35 indulge in the backdrop. No helicopter this time as well. The lanes of Kurla and Chembur are too narrow to allow for any modern transport. Raman & Dafu come marching down the lane, dodging drunkards and leaping over the unconscious masses that chose to have over 290 mg/l of alcohol in their blood.

JPR : Good Evening !!

Candidates : (in a cacophonous chorus) Go..od.....Ev..en..ingg...

Dafu : (shocked !) How long have you been drinking!??

ACP : 14 ye..ars....
HB : I really don't ...s.eem t.o..to ... re...member
BT : Two...two.. ho..u..rs......Push..pan..jali...r..o.c..ks!

JPR : (obviously disgusted) Before wasting any more time; your next assignment is to increase the sales of two alcohol companies- Capital Killers, you are to work on Divided Beverages, while Overhang will help Law & Sholelace.

Dafu : Go...

Next morning, as the candidates swallow their hangover pills, strategies are being formed. ACP has to work alone while HB and BT have each other to blame...

ACP realises his weakness in numbers...he looks for a recruit. Someone that can boost sales, someone passionate and pro-active.....Names cross his mind....but one name stands out....who else but Mandar Londhe (ML)!

HB and BT are trying to work out ways to attract customers. BT realizes that three days is not enough to increase volumes substantially...he decides to target the elite...low volumes but high end prices....champagne....HB uses his creativity as well....champagnes are used to celebrate and there is never a better occasion to celebrate than the birth of a child...for those over 35 at least. So HB and BT start selling champagnes near Maternity Wards across Mumbai. Happy fathers and pregnant mothers gulp down the white wine gleefully....

ACP meanwhile has little trouble selling the wares of his client. ML has arrived. With the stamina of a horse, ML gulps gallons of beer, looking fresher by the gulp.....

The Boardroom:

JPR : Capital Killers, you chose ML as your primary customer....and he was a good customer...sales have gone up by 24%.

Dafu : Overhang, you chose to target the elite. Your sales have increased by 67% !!

HB and BT rejoice as a dejected ACP drops his head, ready to leave.

JPR : HB, BT sit.

Dafu : The law of the land forbids consumption of alcohol for those under the age of 35. HB, BT you broke the law ! Selling champagne to pregnant mothers amounted to selling alcohol to those whose age ranged from -9 months to zero as well. When mom drinks, the foetus drinks. And elementary math will tell you -0.75<35....HB, BT you lose!

ACP has his eyes wide open and is shocked beyond belief.

JPR : BT you got carried away. You were the man who had to do the analytical part of the job while HB had to be creative. HB was wrong, but creative. His job was to throw ideas; your job was to evaluate them. BT, you made a bad decision...
You're fired !!

It’s down to the final TWO...ACP and HB....who will be the next (sorry, First) KJS Apprentice.....

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Week 4 was going to have PK as the special guest director....but I had to bring in ML as a guest appearance.....hope that PK has his rendition of KJS Apprentice Week 4 out soon.......i had to write week 4 in a hurry....but have been thinking of week 5....so its going to be much better...
The last week is going to be BIG....a 3 part special of The KJS Apprentice - Finale

Disclaimer : The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....drinking in excess is bad...so if there is anything like 'Responsible drinking', do it....don't drink and drive....and most importantly stop reading my disclaimers.....

The KJS Apprentice- Week 3

2006-07-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

The legal problems notwithstanding, Dafu & Raman chose to brave all odds and continue with their KJS Apprentice-Week 3. Corporate Giants are thought to have not so big hearts, but when The Raman & Dafu Organization decides to do something for the society, they leave no stone, or should we say rock, unturned. The farmers of Vidharbha have faced problems since the turn of the century. Little has changed for them since then. With the farmer suicides increasing by the day, the only thing that has kept their kind alive is their country's birth rate. But with a big family comes great responsibility. Little has been done for them over the last two decades. But they have now run into some luck- The Raman & Dafu Organization.

Vidharbha 8:00am :
The vast confines of the Indian country side capsule four of the quickest and sharpest minds around. It is places such as these which humble the greatest of men. Four heads, seemingly insignificant, lost in the open fields of Vidharbha; yet so potent wait for Raman & Dafu to arrive in their helicopter. Experience makes the wise wiser. The last time the helicopter landed over the open sewer (Week-2), the sewer spit forth the scum it held onto the faces of our candidates. They now hold masks over their face and wear protective gear to prevent the circling wind of the landing helicopter from spinning sand all over them. But this time around there is no mini-storm, no rumbling of the helicopter engine, no speck in the sky.....but far away, making its way slowly towards the 'Fantastic Four' is a cart, a bullock cart. The ever so responsible Raman & Dafu Organization have chosen to preserve the virginity of the Vidharbha air...no polluting the air with the marvels of modern technology.

JPR (alighting off the cart) : Good Morning !

Candidates (in the sweltering heat, drenched in sweat, yet with the biggest of smiles) : Good Morning !

Dafu : You have done well to come this far. Capital Killers you are unfairly out-numbered. YA (Yogesh Agarwal), you can chose a member from Overhang.

YA (was obviously aware last week that this choice would have to be made. He still pauses for a moment, lets the eerie morning silence fill the air and then with utmost maturity) : ACP (Abhay aka Cyclops)

Dafu : ACP you move over to Capital Killers. BT (Binoy) and HB (Bile) you remain Overhang.

JPR : Your next task is to help reduce the suicide rate of farmers in the two areas of Vidharbha. Capital Killers will take Area 1 where the current suicide rate is 1398 per year while Overhang will be in charge of Area 2 where the suicide rate is 1397 per year. You will be given 3 days...The team which achieves the least improvement loses...someone will be fired !
===

Capital Killers (ACP & YA) get stuck to the job as soon as possible. Incentives are offered to the farmers to sell their cotton. YA pulls some strings and gets his powerful friends to make the government do a little something for the farmers. ACP (married to the daughter of a Dutch heavyweight) uses foreign pressure to get the government to do a bit more for the farmers. Two days and there has been just one suicide....The farmers have started to regain faith in the system and thank the demi-gods for their help rendered.

Overhang (BT and HB) : BT is really worried about the amount of influence the competitors have. But HB is a man not easily shaken. He keeps his wits around him and does what's easiest to do. He slashes cotton prices to an all-time low, makes water and electricity dearer and freezes all loans to farmers.......

===

The Board Room:

JPR : Capital Killers, 1 suicide in two days, but then 7 in the last day ! That makes the suicide rate 973 per year...an improvement.

Dafu : Overhang, 3 suicides on the first day; NONE on the last two days...just 365 a year !

JPR : Capital Killers, what happened?

ACP (Trying to explain the situation, finally happy to get a chance to speak on camera) : Overhang placed restrictions on the farmers in their area. They were so frustrated that they came over to our area. So effectively, we ATTRACTED farmers to our area due to our policies while Overhang repelled farmers. Finally, there were no farmers in their area and hece no suicides!

JPR : Don't you think that's stupid. Who asked you to think about the betterment of the farmers? All you had to do was to ensure that they don't die in YOUR area. You tried to do a lot of good, you probably did; but you lost focus of the....ACP !! When I speak, you listen...You don't play around with that cell phone!!!!

ACP : I'm sorry, buts its the lateset Yeskia QW90.....nanothechnology enabled with YTG for enhanced AI...compatible with GHT networks....to top it all it has 3 quad-core ASD processors which pump life into the sluggish Kolker softwares.....

JPR (interrupting) : YA, you're fired !! (Turning towards ACP): ACP, now would you mind showing me that gadget, maybe over dinner tonight?

Next on The KJS Apprentice : A special someone with a special appearance !!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, THERE WAS NO INTENTION TO MOCK THE FARMERS OF OUR COUNTRY...I TRULY FEEL FOR THEIR STATE OF AFFAIRS....
It’s an irony that the ppl who try to good for them are ridiculed while those that 'PRETEND' to do good applauded....

The KJS Apprentice-Legal Problems

2006-07-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

Big organizations often have small legal problems. Small problems seldom stall big plans. But when something big hits you, even shows as important as The KJS Apprentice take a back seat, especially when what hits you is as dumb as it’s big.

It’s 2019 and times have changed. Earlier there were protests against cruelty towards animals-mammals, then birds, even reptiles (snakes). But 2019 and people have realized their responsibilities. Reptiles, birds, mammals feel safer. Elephants with ivory of over 2 kg are given Z+ security, non-vegetarian individuals are given quotas- 30kg of meat per month and snakes are allowed to roam free, crossing borders without visas (without fangs of course).

But The Raman and Dafu organization have run into some trouble. Animal activists have levelled charges against them threatening the closure of their R&D cantre headed by Kelya.
The lawsuit of 456 pages highlights the atrocious injustice that animals face in the confines of the R&D centre.

1. In the past seven years, 13 rats have been exterminated using the now banned Cadmium Sulphide based rat poison. It took the slow acting poison 16-19 min to put the rodents to rest. The rats were subjected to 16 min. of extreme torture, unthinkable in this present day and age. The last 16 min. of the rodents' lives were spent in such horrendous misery that no amount of community service done by the organization could make up for it. The international law (amended in 2011) requires that a lethal injection be used for exterminating rodents, which actually give them a feeling of 'ecstasy' before their final goodbye.

2. The last seven years also witnessed a mass killing like no other. An estimated 3000-4000 cockroaches were killed when a gas leak took place in 2013. Three humans were rescued and they now live a life of ease with compensation awarded to last them a lifetime. But the poor cockroaches had nowhere to go. The internal emergency team thought it unnecessary to save those pitiful vulnerable crawlers which lay on the floor on their back moving their legs in desperation. This was the worst form of torture witnessed after the genocide in gas chambers ages ago.

3. The final major charge levelled against the organization is too hideous to be put into words. Over 5 million lives were ended in a single year just to develop a life saving drug for humans. 5 million bacteria were sacrificed for the sake of human welfare! Crimes of such magnitude seldom go unpunished.

The Raman and Dafu Organization will have to put their entire team of 678 lawyers to work if they want to come out of this mess unscathed.
But moving onto something more pleasant, Week 3 of The KJS Apprentice will be on shortly. Their next task- a little something for the farmers of Vidarbha....just so that the world knows that JPR and Dafu do have a heart.....

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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure.....The animals deserve no disrespect as well...they must be protected, preserved and its our responsibility....the animal activists are doing their best...i didn't mean to mock them.....i did actually feel like mocking the lawyers, but for the record- lawyers are great!

The KJS Apprentice-Week 2

2006-07-07T06:19:00.000-07:00

Week 2- Dafu always likes to dream big....Three years ago (2016) The Raman and Dafu organization had set up a team of research scientists from Virginia Tech, led by Kelya, to 'build' the World's first ever bionic man. Productization complete, the organization now has to focus on its marketing, and who better to look to than the six (now five) prospective apprentices.

Dharavi, once famous for its slums now holds The Raman and Dafu R&D centre. The five candidates line up next to an open gutter. The gutter, which once carried the human waste produced by the slum-dwellers, now carries industrial waste and human waste produced by Kelya. JPR, Kelya and Dafu arrive in their helicopter. As the helicopter descends, the mini storm it produces below causes the industrial waste from the gutter to splash all over, adorning our 'Famous Five'.

JPR : Good Morning !
Candidates (in chorus, artificially looking happy and cheerful though they have scum all over them) : Good Morning !

Dafu : Today's task is going to be bigger than ever. As you are aware, Kelya has created the first ever Bionic Man at this R&D centre. Kelya's efforts have been titanic.....it has taken him 3 million 'vada pavs', 2.3 million 'samosa pavs' and 1.7 tonnes of 'aloo ka bhaaji' to complete this task. If he were not on this task for the past 3 years, we could have fed 1 million children in Africa for 10 years. I don't want his efforts wasted.

JPR : Your task will be to convince the governments of US and UK to 'buy' exclusive rights to the design and manufacture of Kelya's creation. The team with the lowest bid loses...someone will be fired.

Dafu : Capital Killers, you will have to convince the UK government, while Overhang, you will target the US government. You may choose to hire experts in presentation and negotiation for your task. Go!

Overhang know just the right man for the job....Karan Panwar (KP)....with unparalleled skills in presentation and a face that could convince you that the Earth is flat, KP is the right man for the job.
Capital Killers on the other hand have a few problems....YA believes that his partner of 5years, 'Bada Bhai' be hired for the job. FP stresses that an assassin is not always the right person for every other task on The KJS Apprentice. FP has someone else in mind....Charisma beyond compare, an uncanny magnetism that rivets you to your seat when he speaks- Darshan Khembavi (Daru...Note that the initials DK have not been used for obvious reasons).

The initial research done (psycho-analysis of all members of parliament and the senate), the teams are ready for their presentation with their skilled recruits.

Overhang in Washington, KP succeeds in impressing the senate.
KP : Boss, you might not know, but Russia already has seven of these and are planning to attack the US with these bionic men as nuclear warhead carriers.
(The senate in shock, 2 members get an anxiety attack, 3 suffer coronary thrombosis. The members of Overhang sure of KP's 'skills' smile from within but with concern on thier faces, certain of winning the task).

Capital Killers meanwhile watch in embarrassment as Daru takes centre stage in front of the Parliament.
Daru : Good Evening f***ing ladies and gentlemen. You would be a ma***ch** if you don't bid for this f***ing piece of wonder.....the speech goes on, inundated with expletives.
Capital Killers had forgotten one of the many habits 'Daru' possessed. Over an hour later, as Daru puffs onto his cigar, (he is now a big man...has over grown 'bidis') most members have already left, offended enough to resign, while the few others left choke over the blue smoke from Daru's cigar.

The Boardroom:

JPR : Need I spell out the result? Capital Killers, you have failed to even convince UK to bid! Overhang, you win!

Dafu : FP, what made you chose Daru ?

FP taps onto the table with his fingers, looks the other way, avoiding eye-contact...These are the evasion skills he picked up from Rakesh aka 'Sanatta' during his engineering viva days.

JPR : FP you made the wrong choice, you failed miserably...FP you're fired !

FP walks away into the auto rikshaw parked opposite the door....voices his views to the camera. The camera person almost throws the Auto driver out, while perfecting his angle to get a close-up of FP.

FP : I shouldn't have f***ing chose that ch***

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....Virginia Tech, the IT industries and the Trump Organization are all great, no disrespect to them....and obviously, no disrespect for KJSCoE, one of the best engg, coll of MU....

The KJS Apprentice-Week 1

2006-07-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

Week 1- The first ever KJS Apprentice will be one among the six assembled here....glory awaits them.

Vidhyavihar station, the place where these six modish killer minds had spent a myraid of their years to accomplish the coveted Bachelor of Engineering. As the six candidates await on the station for the Kurla local on Platform 2 (from where JPR, Dafu & Kelya are supposedly going to descend), the deadly trio takes them by surprise. They arrive in the Kalyan local on Platform 1.....

Lesson 1: Always watch your back when Dafu is around.

Dafu however is not looking his elegant best. Streams of sweat meander through his wrinkled forehead as he gasps for breath. Paramedics standing by check the vital signs of Dafu. Dafu is safe...his 6th train journey and he is alive. A true act of bravery. Dafu has managed time and again to overcome his fear of trains.....

JPR : Good Morning
Candidates in chorus with broad flashing smiles as fake as ever : Good Morning.

Dafu : So, your first week at The KJS Apprentice. Are you all excited? You must be.

Harshad Bile (HB) : Ya, right! Kelya has taken the place of Carolyn...there is no candidate who is a beauty queen....and.... in case you didn't know we are all straight.

JPR (quickly intruding to save Dafu the blushes) : Your first task will be huge. The KJSCoE has a rich tradition and heritage destroyed by the Electronics batch of 2006. Teachers have wept, projects have been left incomplete.....Ever since, the decline of KJSCoE has been inevitable. The current cut off has dropped to 37%. Your task will be to bring the cut off to as much as poosible for the current year. The team with the lower cut off loses, sees us in the board room where someone will be fired.

(Kelya has just enough time to finish his three 'vada pavs'; the playres leave)
Dafu : Yogesh (YA), Karthik (KI), Fehrzard (FP) will be called Capital Killers
while Abhay (ACP), Binoy (BT), Harshad (HB) will be called Overhang

The teams rush to the college to evaluate the situation. Brand positioning of the college was extremely important especially keeping in mind the evaluative minds of the target audience. The teams however had other plans!

Overhang's policy was simple, HB decided to lend out a few of his famous 'objectionable' videos to those who sought admission. Above 60% and one would get weekly updates, while above 80%s would receive daily updates. ACP and BT had set up a counselling camp to judge the aptitude of the student. Severe tests and evaluations would conclude the kind of 'videos' that a prospective student enjoys. Bringing a human touch in to the entire selection of the videos process attracted thousands of students.

Capital Killers used coercion. YA's 'rampuri' was doing a good job of filling seats.

The final result: In the dark boardroom Kelya and Dafu are seated with the centre chair empty. Kelya can be seen napping though the dim light cannot confirm the conclusion. The Six candidates enter....JPR enters from the opposite door with a torch in his hand.

JPR : Sorry I'm late...I lost my way in the dark alleys of our office. Dafu, how did Capital Killers do?

Dafu : They used intimidation, my favourite technique...they managed to get the cut-off up to 62%

JPR : With a shrug...Kelya, how did Overehang do?...Kelya....(Kelya is as still as a rock)... KELYA....is he alive?...get the paramedics!!

(Meanwhile BT opens his bag to take out an egg frankie...just to snack between all the comotion.....Kelya smells the egg frankie and wakes up with a start with drool all over the table....)

JPR : How did Overhang do?

Kelya (eyes fixed on the egg frankie) : Awesome! You should have seen the quality of those videos....They managed to get it up to 64%

JPR (Trying not to look excited) : Capital Killers, you lose...someone will be fired.

(Overhang leave...No rewards for the winning team....because Dafu handles the accounts.....)

JPR : KI who was responsible for your loss?

KI : YA used intimidation bordering on the illegal. His methods were too harsh....

JPR : YA, you are too rough for this classy, sophisticated (Kelya is still drooling), urbane, sauve (Dafu removes a Bourbon biscuits and starts chewing with his mouth open...particles showering the 3 in front of him), gracious environment.....you just don't fit in....

(YA stares at JPR, removes his 'Rampuri' and places it on the table)

JPR (Ashen faced) : On second thoughts, KI you are fired !

(KI extremely astonished, YA with a smirk on his face replaces his weapon)

KI : 2 more weeks here and I would have owned this place ! I had silently managed to acquire 1% of the shares of your organization already !

JPR (shooing them away) : Just go!

KI leaves in an auto rikshaw parked outside the building with an ad of naukri.com on top.....1 down....4 to go.....

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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....The IT industries and the Trump Organization are all great, no disrespect to them....and obviously, no disrespect for KJSCoE, one of the best engg,. coll of MU....

The KJS Aprentice- Preview

2006-07-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

As the fourth season draws to a close, I decided to have a little peek into the future of The Apprentice. Here's how it goes:

The year 2019; Jayant P Raman (JPR) & Abhishek Dafria (Dafu) have acquired the Trump Organization and renamed it the Raman and Dafu Organization. JPR is currently the 12th richest man in the world with Dafu close on his heels at number 13. Dafu's net worth is just $7 less than that of JPR as of !st April 2019. Continuing with the age old tradition of the organization, they decided to hire an apprentice via a reality show - "The KJS Apprentice". (Old wine in old bottle).
Assisting them during the interview will be Nikhil Kelkar (Kelya), the CEO of 92 out of the 94 companies that the Raman & Dafu Organization currently hold.
Out of a million candidates, a handful was selected based on their aptitude and attitude. Rumour has it that JPR and Dafu chose to favour their age old friends of a certain Mumbai Engg College K.J. Somaiya CoE, but the organization's spokesperson has categorically denied such reports.

The Candidates:
1. Abhay Patil (ACP)- After 2 yrs at L&T he chose to do an MS in bio-med engg. from Delft Univ (Holland). After his MS, he joined a real estate company that builds buildings for modern day Trance Clubs. He married the owner's daughter and is now believed to be responsible for the revival of Trance in Holland. He is also editor of the magazine "ME" which features his photographs, interviews and snippets of his life.
USP : Self-loyalty

2. Binoy Thomas (BT)- A loyalist to the core, he has stuck with Asia’s largest IT company for 13 yrs. They have repaid him with a 2 yr sabbatical to complete his MBA from The London Business School. He rejected a $ 100,000 / week job offer to stick with them which now pays him Rs. 2.34 lacs, a 2% rise in salary since he joined the company in 2006.
USP : Loyalty towards his organization

3. Harshad Bile (HB)- He has worked in 17 companies during the last 13 yrs. He left each one of the companies for the same reason-They hated his jokes, prohibited the viewing of objectionable videos during office hours and expected him to work for at least 7 hrs a week. He was selected for his sheer creative genius and he is expected to bring a lot of experience in terms of variety to the table.
USP : Creativity

4. Yogesh Agarwal (YA)- After 2 yrs at MBT, he chose to open a charitable organization which accepts (actually, extracts) money from the rich of the 'Dockyard Area' in Mumbai to help the under-privileged. All the money collected is sent to a bank account in Zurich whose holder's name happens to be 'Tronix ka Bhai'.
USP : His 'Rampuri', knows how to get his work done

5. Karthik Iyer: (KI)- 13 yrs at Infy has made him a clever boy. He quietly acquired 7% of Infy without the knowledge of any of the members of the Board. Currently the highest individual stake holder and hence chairman of Infy.
USP : Silent Killer

6. Fehrzard Patel (FP)- After 13 yrs in the IT industry, he has decided to dedicate his life to work towards a hike in salaries for all software engineers.
USP : In his own words, "What the #*!* does USP stand for ?"

Week 1 is about to begin, their task will be a difficult one to deal with first up....

Next on "The KJS Apprentice"- A task to ensure that the cut-off for KJSCoE goes up from the current 37%...revival of an engg. college.....

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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not those of the author....but seriously, no sentiments were meant to be hurt, people whose names have been mentioned will do much better in life, I'm sure....The IT companies and the Trump Organization are all great, no disrespect to them....and obviously, no disrespect for KJSCoE, one of the best engg,. coll of MU....

The Rise of Italy

2006-06-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

The Italian football team won their first World Cup in 1934 playing at home.They defended their title successfully when they played the next World Cupin France. But that seemed to be the only glory they would get at the WorldCup stage for many years to come. 1982 marked the end of the drought forItaly with Rossi leading his team to a third World Cup victory. The lastdecade of the previous millennium was not too bad either. They finished 3rdin 1990 and entered the 1994 Final, but lost the penalty shoot out.But the new millennium did not seem to prove lucky for the Italians.Controversial refereeing left them stranded in the 2002 World Cup wheneventual semi finalists South Korea beat them in extra-time, forcing anearly (unexpected) Second Round exit. Two years later at Euro 2004, Italy(then led by Giovanni Trapattoni) failed to survive the group stages!The nation has a great reputation when it comes to football. There weretimes when the domestic league was the best paying league in Europe. But the situation has changed. Proffessional footballers smell money in foreign leagues and over 40 (I guess the figure is true, a friend and great followerof Italian football told me this) of them play abroad. Increasing riots inthe stadiums are not helping. Italian football is in a spot of bother. Withthe match fixing allegations, things only seemed to grow dimmer.But revival is on its way. The warm-up matches and the win over Ghana hassparked fresh hope and Buffon came out with statements like 'We seek gloryamongst scandal' (Sorry, don't remember the exact words, but it wassomething to that effect). A good conglomeration of the old and new in thisItalian side saw off The Netherlands 3-1 and Germany 4-1 (or was it Ned 4-1and Ger 3-1?) in the World Cup warm-ups.Fabio Cannnavaro and Alesandro Nesta (central defenders) are the mostdifficult to break through and the precision of Luca Toni is always worthhaving. Totti and del Piero have something to prove and when 100% fit, theycan cause a lot of trouble for the opposition's defenders. But the star forme is Gianluigi Buffon. Serie A debut at 17 and international debut at 19,this goal keeper is the man to beat in this World Cup. Gigi is 28 and isstill looking for his first major international honour; which of coursedoesn't seem too far away.Under new coach Marcelo Lippi The Italians seemed to have cast away theirover-defensive style of football, which I think is their biggest gain. This country, with over 4 million footballers (again same source that provided the previous figure) is looking all set to win back its lost glory.

Why the Czechs wouldn't want to be in Group E

2006-06-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

You may wish to call Group C the Group of Death, but if there is one group you really wouldn't want to be part of, it’s Group E.
The reason is simple:
Second Round Fixtures: E1 vs F2 and F1 vs E2. And just in case you didn't know Brazil is in Group F. So one of the teams that manages to qualify from Group E will have to face (depending on its rank) the Defending Champions and World Cup favourites- Brazil.

Why Brazil will end up as F1 (winners of their Group):
Brazil might have won their first game with a goal by Kaka in the 44th minute, but the defending champions were constantly challenged and just barely avoided allowing an equaliser. But from whatever little WC football I have seen, I have realized that teams make a lot of fuss about their opening match and quite regularly we have the not so big teams surprise the giants (Remember France-Senegal?). So it was an important win for Brazil. Further, Brazil might have already seen off the most difficult opponent in their Group. With a team inundated with talent such as theirs, the entire world seems to see them as World Cup 2006 Winners. So, if nothing, one can at least expect them to end up winners in their group.

Who will win Group E?
The Italians might just have proved that they have the quality to go far, real far in this competition. Against a decent Ghana side that had Micheal Essien and S Kufour playing for them, Italy scored goals, created chances, and obviously, as is their reputation, defended well. The patiece in their play caused the Ghana guys some problems. The 3 points they managed were truly well deserved.
But the Czechs can't be ruled out either. With a tremendous showing against USA, they proved that they will prove a handful in the next round as well. Injury problems might just spoil their WC party though. As for Koller, "It could be anything between 10 days and six weeks," according to Foucek (hope I got the spelling right). Milan Baros is not as fit as one would want him to be for a WC match and the versatile Vladimir Smicer was ruled out even before the WC started. So they don't have the fire power they need to play and then beat Italy and Ghana. I know there is a certain Tomas Rosicky who was praised in my last e-mail, and Nedved is always a danger for his opponents (Remember Champions League Semi-Finals, couple of yrs ago?) , but I still believe Italy will end up as winners of Group E.

Bottomline:
The Czech Republic will run into some really bad luck (read Brazil) and I doubt their advance in the World Cup beyond the Second Round...Unfortunate for a team ranked Second. But Italy on the other hand will have to play their group matches with the same conviction they played Ghana and I don't see any team stopping their advance into the Quarter Finals (Group F has Croatia, Australia & Japan apart from Brazil).
However football teams do not participate in the World Cup just to add up the numbers...you never know...Brazil might just end up second in their Group, play Italy in the Second Round...come back ith a vengeance and thrash Italy so hard that Italy might take more than a few years to rise from the ashes...

A Better God

2005-02-24T14:13:00.000-08:00

Ever since man’s footprints were set on earth, man has been in search of a supreme being, a supreme force that he can look up to; and more importantly a supreme force to which he can attribute all happenings beyond his realm of understanding. He made Sun a God, since he couldn’t explain the disappearance and reappearance of the Sun. Now, he has studied every aspect of it so closely that he knows more about the sun than about himself. Man invented fire, made it God. Now, playing with fire has become an instinct for him. Early man could not understand nature. He had made Nature God. Slowly, nature started losing its impact on man. Hypothetical beings, so very close in appearance to man, took over. If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him. Probably, man’s greatest invention, or should I say ‘discovery’ for the offended, is God. God helps man more than what many feel He does.

God has served as a shield for many over the ages. A selected few have gained the license to cheat, the license to steal and even the license to kill; all in the name of God. God is after all the best excuse one can have. (However, man has newer excuses in store. He is, of late, busy killing for the sake of peace.) Human beings are sometimes described or defined as a basically rational, economic, political, or playing species. They may, however, also be viewed as ritual beings, who exhibit a striking parallel between their ritual and verbal behaviour. Just as language is a system of symbols that is based upon arbitrary rules, ritual may be viewed as a system of symbolic acts that is based upon arbitrary rules. And who makes these rules? Definitely not a majority of the society. These rules are made by a few people who are able to convince others that they are the “closest” to God. (Not even God knows what they mean by that). The rules are then bent and modified as desired by a privileged few to suit their needs. We then have a billion people doing blindly what they require us to do, sometimes for God and sometimes for social courtesy. It is easy to fool too many of the people too much of the time. But the fact remains that we do what a selected few tell us to do. Sounds very familiar to dictatorship? It’s time we get a hold on things and do only what we feel is right to do. When I say ‘we’, I do not mean to include just the urbanized few. There are many others who still live in a make-belief world and need to wake up. But they are not going to unless some one wakes them up. They need some one to shake them out of this deep slumber. We need to get together and elect a unit which necessarily reflects the views of the rational man. All kinds of abuses in the name of religion must be scraped. As human beings, we are endowed with freedom of choice, and we cannot shuffle off our responsibility upon the shoulders of God or nature. We must shoulder it ourselves. It is our responsibility.

It is time we benefit from God. All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with knowledge of God. God is what the society makes Him. Let’s just look at God as one who makes us mentally stronger, as one who helps realize internal peace and as one who shows us the way to happiness. Let God prevent us from doing wrong. Let God help us prevent others who do wrong in the name of God. There are, of course, men who need no God, but there are many who need motivation, many who need inspiration, many who need encouragement. And God is the best source of motivation, the best source of inspiration, the best source of encouragement. Let’s get together and create a better God.

Red Planet Blues

2004-06-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

NASA couldn’t have chosen a better date for the dream landing. July 4th, 1997; as Americans celebrated the ‘flawless success’ they achieved 221 years ago, people around the world celebrated mankind’s ‘flawless success’ which would be remembered by some for 221 years or perhaps more. The Mars Pathfinder Mission was beginning to take shape. The scene in the control room was one that would rarely be repeated. The unconventional landing had eyes glued to the monitors-some anxious, some hopeful, others confident. The pathfinder landed; bouncing onto the red, rocky surface with air bags to cushion the fall. The landing was a ‘flawless success’. For the scientists involved, celebrations had begun; little did they know that their grey cells had some unfinished business to attend to.

A few days into the mission, and the spacecraft began experiencing total system resets, each supposedly resulting in losses of data. News headlines the world over talked about "software glitches" disquieting the spacecraft. "The computer was trying to do too many things at once", reasoned a press article. While all this hype was going on outside, NASA had to come up with a solution fast, real fast.

The software kernel (VxWorks) used to run the spacecraft could be run in a mode where it would record all remarkable system events, including the switching between two tasks and interrupts. Engineers spent hours and hours running the system on the exact spacecraft replica in their laboratory with tracing turned on, attempting to replicate the precise conditions under which they believed that the reset occurred. Early in the morning, after all but one engineer had gone home, the engineer finally reproduced a system reset on the replica. Analysis of the trace revealed the most sought after ‘software glitch’-priority inversion.

VxWorks provided preemptive priority scheduling of threads. Simply put, tasks (or jobs) on the Pathfinder spacecraft were executed as threads with certain priorities. The priority of a task was decided by the urgency of the task. If a task A needs to be completed in an hour while task B has three hours for completion, Task A is given a higher priority and hence is executed first. The logic is very similar to the priority assignment we unconsciously do in our daily lives. A project due tomorrow is given higher priority than one due next week.

In the pathfinder, the passing of data within spacecraft components was achieved using an information bus. Data moving in and out of the bus was handled by a bus management task. Observing the criticality of this task, it was given a high priority. Further, data transfer needs synchronization. Imagine a teacher teaching an empty class at 8:00 AM and then, students sitting in the class at 1:00 PM (without the teacher), hoping to listen to the teacher’s lecture- a classic case of lack of synchronization. Thus, the sender must be ready to send data and the receiver must be ready to receive the data at the same time. To achieve this at the software level, mutual exclusion locks (mutexes) are used. While a ‘lock’ is acquired, no other task (regardless of its priority) can be executed. After the ‘lock’ is released, normal execution continues. Habitually, this process worked well.

However, once in a blue moon it was possible for a problem to creep in. Consider three tasks–
1. Information transfer task –High Priority
2. Communication (Earth to Mars or vice versa) –Medium Priority
3. Meteorological data collection – Low Priority
We now have the pathfinder collecting some data (Task 3) with the ‘lock’ acquired. Task 1 (Info Transfer) needs the ‘lock’ and hence waits for Task 3 to release the ‘lock’. But now an interrupt marks the arrival of Task 2. Task 2 does not need the ‘lock’ and hence starts execution after blocking the lower priority Task 3. Thus indirectly, Task 2 has prevented Task 1 from running though it has a higher priority, just because Task 1 needs the ‘lock’, currently with Task 3. This is ‘priority inversion’. The information transfer (Task 1) waits for a long time, after which a watchdog timer goes off, notices that the data bus task had not been executed for some time, concludes that something has gone severely wrong, and initiates a total system reset.

Seems like a big mass? But the big boys were ready for big messes. VxWorks contained a C language interpreter intended to allow developers to type in C expressions and functions to be executed on the fly during system debugging. The engineers fortuitously decided to launch the spacecraft with this feature still enabled. A short C program was uploaded to the spacecraft, which when interpreted, changed the values of certain Boolean variables from False to True. This made the task with the ‘lock’ inherit a higher priority, thus achieving a great degree of predictability in priority inversion. No more system resets occurred. Success at last; and now, truly flawless success.
The Mars Mission has left different impressions on different minds-some eternal, some ephemeral. But for the software team and the hardware engineers involved, this experience is going to last a lifetime, perhaps even more…

Struggle

2003-04-30T02:07:00.000-07:00

There was a time when people opposed war with Iraq or any other nation that did not pose a clear and present danger to mankind. Until and unless the current U.S. administration provided evidence which clearly demonstrated that Iraq or any other nation posed a clear, direct and immediate danger to any country, people opposed all of this Administration's pre-emptive and unilateral military activities in Iraq. Furthermore, they could not support any war that was initiated without a formal Declaration of War by Congress, as the American Constitution required. The U.S.-Iraq issue was the only thing on people’s minds, and the only thing on people’s tongues. Not many refrained from expressing their views. Polls were held, protests were held. People wanted peace. The masses did not want to think beyond. The dreaded three-letter word scared them out of their skins.
There were people, however, who dared to go beyond. Rational and logical analyses were made. Although these people detested the dictatorial policies of Saddam Hussein and others like him throughout the world, they sympathized with the tragic plight of the Iraqi people. They opposed unilateral and pre-emptive U.S. military intervention on the grounds that it established a dangerous precedent in the conduct of international affairs, that it could easily lead to an increase of violent regional instability and the spread of much wider conflicts, and that it placed needless and unacceptable financial burdens on the American people. Furthermore, many did not believe that the American military can or should be used as the police force of the world by any administration, Republican or Democrat.
While many were not too comfortable with the current situation, there were a few who felt that the war should not be delayed. They wanted the Iraqis to be liberated, they wanted a change in regime, they wanted to end dictatorship; and couldn’t see a better way to do it than war. At a time when the debate was heating up, America finally decided to do what many didn’t want it to do.
Countries around the world took strong stands on the issue. Few countries supported the U.S., some openly, some secretly (or so the U.S. claimed). There were countries which morally were with the U.S. without providing any direct help. On the other hand there were countries that were not impressed by the turn of events. A couple of countries did not have much to do with the war. India was not too keen to take a stand and avoided making any firm statements. But the students of our college, vociferous as they are, did not shy away from voicing their opinion. The message was loud and clear. Nobody wanted the war. A few expressed concern for the war victims and wanted to end further devastation while a few were bothered about the after effects of the war. The sufferings of the innocent were too drastic to overlook. It was too expensive a sacrifice. Certainly, the harmless did not deserve to pay such a heavy price. Some also felt that the acts of George W. Bush were terrorist acts and comparable to those of the most notorious terrorists the world has seen. The dominance of a single nation was taken in bad taste. Probing the motives of the U.S., many believed that the main reason for the war was oil. They seemed to be sure that the U.S. wanted control of the oil fields in Iraq; nothing more, nothing less. The comments written were more passionate than logical. A strong sense of hatred could be felt as one glanced through the comments. Hatred for war, hatred for the U.S. There was not even a hint of support for Bush. Perhaps the feeling of abhorrence was unanimous, or perhaps no one had the courage to write anything even remotely supporting war.
The remarks were written during the latter half of the war. Now that the war is over, views may have changed, may be not. We all know that military doesn’t start wars, politicians start wars. Albert Einstein had remarked after World War II, “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.